Friday, April 12, 2013

Diabetes, Food, and...Addiction?

My relationship with food is complicated and being diagnosed with diabetes has intensified it. This blog is dedicated to all my food "lovers." I'm talking about those who can identify with the following:

People who woke up this morning thinking about what you would like to eat for breakfast and while eating breakfast spent more time thinking about lunch than enjoying breakfast.

People who tell themselves they are only going to have one, or a bite, or a small spoonful, or a taste or just a few, but cannot resist having more.

People who have developed split personalities when grocery shopping because the "healthy shopper" cannot allow the "food lover" inside of you do the shopping.

People who have tried just about everything to rid themselves of late-night snacking, but still can't sleep peacefully without food.

People who talk about food like a professional athlete talks about their sport--you know the ends and outs of good food.

People who love to chew. Love the way good food rolls across your tongue, especially when it consists of buttery goodness.

People who think more about food than anything else.

People who understand that food is a necessary part of problem solving.

People who think anything carb-olicious would make the moment that much better.

People who don't understand when others say, "Seeing all this food makes me not want to eat."

People who sneak food when no one is looking because you don't want to hear criticism from others.

People who understand that food really can brighten your day when it isn't going well.

People who wonder to themselves, "Who organized this event and planned to serve the food AFTER the speaker? They should have put the food first."

People who exhale when the host of a dinner party says, "Feel free to have a second helping."

People who want to taste food on other people's plates, especially when it looks good.

People who feel like "there's always room in my stomach for dessert."

Yes...I'm dedicating this blog to you because we speak the same language. I love food. I have known that since I was in middle school. When the low-self esteem from not fitting in during high school kicked in, however, food became my saving grace. I escaped to the kitchen, cooking channels, thoughts about food, and consumption of it when sadness tried to worry me. The pounds came along too. I didn't like that part so much. So, then the dieting came. Then the up and down with my weight came.

My love of food had met it's match though...diabetes. It's one thing to avoid purchasing a large order of french fries because you are in a moment where you can resist, but it's another thing to not purchase the larger order of french fries because it can mean making a trip to the hospital.

Food...the thing that I have spent so much time loving and appreciating is now the very thing that can kill me or cause me to go blind.

Food addiction isn't like sex addiction or alcoholism or drug addition because you MUST eat to live. I'm sure addicts of other things might believe they need those things to live, but they can recover and never return to the substance or they could vow to a life of celibacy. But food...your body will surely perish without nourishment.  

So, how do I cope with this reality? I don't tell anyone and I suffer in silence...until now. I purchased a book Skinny Thinking on for .99 cents on Kindle and I am LOVING IT! I'm on Chapter 4 and I can already see the difference in the way I think about food. So far, this hasn't been a diet book it's a Change-How-You-Think-about-Food book, which is what I need. I already have a diet. I practice the "Carb Counting" method promoted by the Diabetes Association and I'm not interested in changing it.

 If you would like to read it along with me, post below and tell me. I could use some support.